The Mushroom King

Oh Peach, how I worried I would never see you again! My darling daughter is returned!

Father, I am home safe, rescued from the evil dragon Bowser by a brave hero. I wish to marry him, father.

Tell me of this man you wish to marry, daughter. Surely, he is a brave Knight of the Mushroom?

No father, he is not a Knight of the Mushroom…

Ah, so he is a warrior from the Order of the Fire Flower! Splendid! They served me well in…

No, father, he is not in the Order of the Fire Flower, either. He is not a warrior. He is a plumber, father.

A plumber, you say…well, in this land of pipes and drains, plumbers are needed and respected!

He is not from the Mushroom Kingdom, father. He is from a place called Brooklyn.

Brooklyn…Brooklyn…I cannot say I have heard of it. But surely plumbers in the Kingdom of Brooklyn are important, no?

I suppose. Important like garbagemen, say. Oh, and Brooklyn is not a kingdom. It's a working-class section of a larger city called New York.

OK…OK, well, tell me, daughter, how this plumber you wish to marry was able to deceive the evil Bowser and save you? He must have used all manner of trickery and out-smarted the beast! My daughter, betrothed to a genius!

He ran under Bowser and pulled an Axe lever.

Seriously?

Yup.

Well, how much do you know of this man? What of his family?

I have met his brother.

Oh?

Yes. His brother is taller, thinner and can jump higher. But my heart belongs to plumber who rescued me from the evil Bowser, father.

Right…It's just that you're a princess so, you know, I always imagined you marrying a prince or…you know what, nevermind. Any man brave enough to rescue my daughter from Bowser's evil grasp is certainly good enough to take her hand in marriage! This man…

…His name is Mario, father.

…Mario?

Yes, Mario.

He is Italian then?

Yes, father.

YOU WILL NEVER BRING A F*CKING GREASY ITALIAN INTO THIS PALACE! NEVER!!!