Dorklassic: The Legend of the Legend of Zelda

Huzzah! I’ve conquered innumerable foes, overcome impossible odds, trekked far and wide, come to the brink of death, defeated the unstoppable Ganon, and saved the fair princess!

Yes, and for years to come, people will speak of the Legend of Zelda!

Yes, the Legend of…what?

Zelda – the legendary princess who was kidnapped and braved being trapped for a while until some elf guy saved her!

I…I think you have this backwards. I’m the one who did all of the exciting stuff that would be considered legendary. It’ll be the legend of Link that everyone talks about.

Ugh, Link? That’s not even a real name. Nope, that legend’s all about Zelda.

But…you didn’t do anything.

I was kidnapped and stayed virtually motionless while being trapped in a crystal! LEGENDARY!

Do you have any idea how many innocent chickens I had to kill to get here? How many hours I spent in the Water Temple? How many times I had to stop myself from squashing Navi with my boot? No way, sweetheart, I’m the legend.

Right, and the next thing you tell me is that the Legend of Guinevere is all about that guy who pulled a sword out of some stupid rock.

The legend of King Arthur?!

Guinevere. Arthur was just the dude she married before hooking up with Lancelot.

I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of how legends work.

And I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of how royalty can have a tights-wearing peasant boy thrown in the dungeon for the rest of his life while she tells the historians what to call the legend.

Gotcha. I think I’m gonna go do with something in no way related to you. There’s this evil mask thing I should take care of…

Ahh yes, they will refer to this adventure as the Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask.

But…you’re not even involved in this. At all.

Keep walking or I’ll call it the Legend of Navi.

I think I liked you better when you were a gay ninja.