- Bill
Hello, new acquaintance.
- Dave
Hey, neighbor, can I ask you something?
- Bill
City hall. Rain cloud. Dollar sign.
- Dave
Um, yeah. Listen, I really need a friend. My boss says I can’t get promoted until I get one and learn something about cooking. Life in politics is not what I imagined.
- Bill
Soccer ball. Earth. Ghost!
- Dave
Uh…huh.
- Bill
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!
Pause.
- Dave
So….you watch any sports or anything?
- Bill
Backrub?
- Dave
Um, no thanks. I only ask because my TV only gets four channels, and they all speak this non-sense jibberish language. It’s so weird.
- Bill
Backrub?
- Dave
Uh, still no, thanks.
- Bill
Tickle!
- Dave
Haaaa…very funny. That was not at all awkward.
- Bill
We’re friends now.
- Dave
Jeez, really? Okay, whatever you say. I dunno how I’m supposed to prove that to my boss. Would you mind signing something?
- Bill
I’m going to hug you now.
- Dave
No thanks there, buddy. Just…sign this piece of paper?
- Bill
Would you like to dance?
- Dave
On your lawn? Not really. I don’t even know your name.
- Bill
We’re not friends anymore.
- Dave
Jeez. That’s kinda sudden.
- Bill
I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!
Pause.
- Dave
Right. Of course you do. So I guess I’ll be going…
- Bill
I’m going to study cooking and then make macaroni and then take a shower and then give you a backrub and then work out and then go to sleep.
- Dave
That’s great. Hey, do you know what these things over our heads are supposed to be? I’m terrified that one day it’ll just fall and crack my skull open- WHOA. Did you just…piss yourself?
- Bill
I’m sad that I peed on the ground.
- Dave
Ew. Is that…blue? Did you pee blue?
- Bill
AHHHHH! SOMETHING IS ON FIRE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HOUSE!!! I HAVE TO GO STAND NEXT TO IT AND SCREAM!
Bill runs off.
- Dave
Crap, well, maybe I’ll go for a swim. Hope the ladders don’t mysteriously disappear this time.
